February 2012

Jesus On A Penny

"Next on Sick, Sad World: hoax, or vision? Some people in Florida claim they've seen the face of Jesus... on a penny!"

If anyone ever thought he saw the face of Jesus on a penny, it was probably due to a lack of bearded men among his circle of acquaintances (not an uncommon thing among a certain sort of Christian) leading to an overenthusiastic tendency to see any bearded man as either a hippie or Jesus Himself. But mysterious visions of Jesus, Mary or various saints are not an uncommon occurrence. Jesus has been seen in everything from cloud-banks to potato chips, and that's not even counting all the bleeding statues and other vaguely-related miracles.

Drunk Ballerinas

"When these ballerinas work out at the barre, they work out at the bar! Tanked in a tutu when Sick, Sad World returns."

Have you ever been drunk at work? I sure have! Hell, I'm drunk right now.

 

Okay, not really. I haven't had a drink since last night, and that was just one glass of wine. But I've been drunk at work before, usually because I drank so much whiskey the night before that I just couldn't get it all out of my system by the next day. Once I even slept through an entire shift in a phone sales office, raising my head only to make a sales call about once an hour. Due to some miracle, every one of those calls was a sale, which not only saved my job but led the sales manager to tell everyone else in the office to go home and get drunk. On another occasion, I was so drunk on my way to work (on foot, of course! Don't drink and drive!) that I failed to recognize an old friend when she stopped to offer me a lift.

 

So it's not really surprising to me that ballerinas might sometimes be tempted to indulge as well, that they might sometimes be tempted to indulge too much, or that they might on some occasions end up drunk at work. I don't know if that's the explanation for the ballerina in this video, or if all ballerinas just fall down occasionally, but if a ballerina was actually drunk at work I'm sure this is exactly what would happen.

Frog Princes, Or...?

"A nightmare story of an enchanted kiss gone horribly wrong, when Sick, Sad World returns."

Princesses do not normally kiss frogs by preference. They generally prefer to kiss either princes, or (in some cases) other princesses. But if you accept the premise that under some circumstances a prince may be turned into a frog by a magic spell, does it not logically follow that any number of other transformations are equally possible?

Polygapotamus?!

"One three-ton hubby is not enough for this red hot mammal. The polygamous hippopotamus, when Sick, Sad World returns."

Hippos, like Iron Age warlords and cult leaders, like to preside over multiple wives. A bull hippo is not an equal opportunity kind of guy. He uses his massive bulk and his terrifying teeth to keep all the female hippos in a certain stretch of the river for himself and himself alone. Any young bucks who want to meander through his part of the river had better behave with conspicuous respect, or they'll find themselves in a world of hurt before you could say “enraged bull hippo.”