December 2011

Ape Chat Rooms?

"Can monkeys surf the net... and corrupt our kids? Chimpanzee chat rooms, next on Sick, Sad World."

Now, I think I'm as concerned as anyone else with the possibility that monkeys or any other primate will someday learn how to surf the net and corrupt our kids, but based on the famous 1998 internet chat with Koko the sign language gorilla, I don't think we have have too much to worry about.


When Koko's trainer Dr. Penny Patterson asked her opinion about a pony tail elastic, Koko's response was to put it on her head and sign “Hat that toilet. Good tell-you-hurry.”


Dr. Patterson replied “It's a toilet hat? No, it's a nice hat. Pretty.” Koko did not agree, and countered with “Fake stink tell-you-hurry.”

G-String Grandmas!

"They bake cookies by day, but they really heat up at night! G-string grandmas, today on Sick, Sad World."


For some reason I really don't quite understand, burlesque shows by senior citizens have now become a popular type of fund-raising performance. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the subversive humor of it. Almost everything in popular culture encourages the worship of youth and beauty, and the most common attitude to senior citizens is either pity or contempt. So why not turn the whole thing on its head, subverting all of the propaganda by staging a burlesque show of senior citizens?

911 or 1-900?

"It's 911 in the morning and 1-900 in the evening. The phone sex/E.M.S. dispatcher when Sick, Sad World returns."

This week in Sick, Sad, World- is it a 911 line or a 1-900 line? Joshua Basso of Tampa, Florida seems not to have known the difference. When he wanted to engage in the kind of phone call you usually pay by the minute for, he discovered he was broke. 911, on the other hand, is a free call, so he just went right ahead and called that instead, trying to get the operator to engage in some dirty conversation with him as he stood in the shower.