The Horror of the Oceans

The Horror of the Oceans

"Are fish using our oceans as their own private toilet? A Sick, Sad World exclusive, right after this."

It's pretty awful when you think about it. You step into the ocean, and not only do you have to worry about all those fathoms of cold, heartless darkness (every fathom of which is literally swarming with hungry sharks, half-drunk on the blood of the innocent yet yearning for more), you also have to ask yourself a simple yet terrifying question. What percentage of the ocean is actually water, and what percentage is fish urine?

I mean, think about it- there are at least 20,000 different species of fish, and they all have to urinate somewhere. If the sharks weren't so busy eating people all the time, there would probably be a lot less, but there you have it. Anyway, the sharks have to urinate somewhere too, so it doesn't really help. When you think about the actual proportion of water to fish, it's difficult to escape the conclusion that the ocean is probably mostly urine. That, mixed with a little bit of blood because of all the shark attacks, but given the sharks' addiction to human blood they probably drink most of that up. So in the end, it's basically just urine.

 

And what that means for the Earth is pretty frightening. If seventy-five percent of the Earth is covered with ocean, that means that seventy-five percent of the Earth is essentially made of fish urine. And when the heat of the sun makes that urine evaporate and turn into clouds and then rain down on our heads, what is basically happening is that we are being peed on by billions of fish. Now, that is a sick, sad world!