Guano Mountain

Guano Mountain

"Guano see some gutsy climbing? Scaling the world's tallest pile of seagull droppings, next on Sick, Sad World."

You might be under the impression that guano is strictly bat-droppings, but if you think that, you're wrong. In fact, you're so wrong that I can only conclude you know nothing of the Quichua language- quel horreur, n'est ce pas?- because “guano” is actually the Quichua word for “sea bird droppings.” Now tell me this. How do you really expect to get anywhere in the guano business if you didn't know a little thing like that?

Not only can you make a decent living by climbing a giant mountain of bat droppings and bagging it up to sell as fertilizer, but you can do the same thing with seagull droppings too. There are entire islands made out of seagull droppings, such as the legendary Chincha Islands of Peru.


So if you're in the market for an easy buck, the first thing you should do is brush up on your Quichua. I very much doubt you'll be climbing any of Peru's magnificent guano mountains (one of which is actually pictured in this article) if you remain as ignorant on this topic as you clearly are. The second thing you should do is invest in some climbing gear, and maybe take some lessons at one of those “rock climbing gyms.” (See if they offer any special advice for guano climbers, because guano is probably a little more slippery than plastic.)


The third thing you should do is to get yourself down there, grab a bucket, and get climbing. There's enough guano for everyone, so dig right in!